For the past several years, St. Aloysius Church has taken a bit of a gamble in our children's faith formation: We've minimized the traditional classroom model of religious education in favor of a family-centered model where parents act as the primary teachers of their kids. While children still learn from dedicated volunteer catechists and a solid curriculum in our Family of Faith program, we've focused more time and energy on equipping parents to raise their children as lifelong disciples of Jesus Christ in the Catholic Church.

The reason for the change is very simple: Research has consistently shown in recent years that parents are more influential than anyone else in determining whether Catholic children remain Catholic into adulthood. As you may or not have noticed, the Catholic Church in America (and elsewhere) has been hemorrhaging members in the past several decades. The Pew Research Center, for example, has shown that those who have left Catholicism outnumber those who have joined by a six-to-one margin among American adults. Over 40% of those raised as Catholics in America no longer identify as Catholic, and most of those who remain are inactive. Perhaps surprisingly, neither attending a parish Religious Education program nor attending a youth group has shown a statistically significant effect on whether someone remains Catholic, and attending a Catholic high school has shown only a very modest positive effect. The only factor that consistently predicts whether a child will remain Catholic into adulthood is the witness of his or her parents. Sociologist Christian Smith summed up the findings of his two decades of analysis in a recent article:

The good news is that, among all possible influences, parents exert far and away the greatest influence on their children’s religious outcomes. Stated differently, the bad news is that nearly all human responsibility for the religious trajectories of children’s lives falls on their parents’ shoulders. The empirical evidence is clear. In almost every case, no other institution or program comes close to shaping youth religiously as their parents do — not religious congregations, youth groups, faith-based schools, missions and service trips, summer camps, Sunday school, youth ministers, or anything else. Those influences can reinforce the influence of parents, but almost never do they surpass or override it. What makes every other influence pale into virtual insignificance is the importance (or not) of the religious beliefs and practices of American parents in their ordinary lives — not only on holy days but every day, throughout weeks and years.

The realization that we as parents largely determine the faith of our children is an intimidating one. Thankfully, the research of Christian Smith and others has also shown the things that we as parents can do to lay a strong foundation of faith in the life of our children. Beyond the obvious advice - believe and practice the Catholic faith with sincerity - here are things we can do that seem to help hand on a faith that will last into adulthood:

#1 - Parent with both warmth and authority.

No two parents are identical. We each bring our own parenting habits and our unique ways of relating to our children. Nonetheless, those who effectively hand on the faith to their children, according to the research of Christian Smith, consistently combine both authority and warmth:

In short, American children are more likely to embrace the religion of their parents when they enjoy a relationship with them that expresses both clear parental authority and affective warmth. Such children know that their parents hold them to high standards precisely because they love them. They also know that when they fail to meet those standards there will be consequences, but never will those consequences include the withdrawal of love and support.

This makes sense, of course. Our kids' understanding of God, their heavenly Father, is shaped by what they see in us. If we want our kids to understand the unconditional love and uncompromising truth of God, then we ought to strive to exemplify those qualities as parents.

#2 - Talk about faith.

The worldviews and priorities of children are dramatically shaped by conversations with their parents. By talking with Mom and Dad, children learn to distinguish between what is true and what is false, what is good and what is bad, what matters and what doesn't. Kids can easily get the idea that God, Jesus, and the Catholic faith are either not real or are not relevant if they never hear Mom and Dad talk about them or if questions about them are off-limits. If, on the other hand, Mom and Dad bring up matters of faith throughout their ordinary daily lives and are willing to explore life's big questions through the lens of that faith, then kids are more likely to learn that religion is an indispensable part of their lives. Smith offers this helpful explanation:

Children who later in life practice some form of their parents’ religion report that religion was a frequent topic of discussion at home during their youth. And those who say that religion was seldom or never discussed are much less likely to be very religious later on.

Parents are also more likely to succeed in passing on religion to their children if they allow their children to explore and express their own ideas and feelings along the way, though without letting discussions turn into relativistic free-for-alls. This means granting a freedom to consider doubts, complications, and ­alternatives without fear of condemnation, combined with parents’ seriously engaging their children and expressing to them their own beliefs, reasons, and hopes. Parents who either slam down the hammer on anything deemed unacceptable or convey a comfort with “whatever” will be less successful.

#3 - Channel your kids into faith-filled relationships and environments.

Sociologists of religion use the phrase "channeling" to describe gently nudging kids into activities, relationships, and environments that reinforce their faith. Although parents are far more significant in influencing the religion of their kids than anyone else, that does not mean that others are irrelevant. Children can benefit greatly from the example and encouragement of other faith-filled adults, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, family friends, priests, catechists, youth ministers, and others. Christian Smith comments:

The goal of religious channeling is for children to personalize and internalize their religious faith and identity over time. When channeling is effective, children, as they approach independent adulthood, think of themselves more as people who believe and practice their own faith, rather than as kids who go along with their parents. Channeling arranges in the lives of children a variety of influences that will help this transition happen.

Research suggests that among the most important of these channeling influences is the presence of non-family adults in religious congregations who know the children well and can engage them in talk on serious topics, beyond superficial chitchat. The more such adults are present, the more a church, temple, synagogue, or mosque feels like a community or an extended family, which is itself a strong bonding force. Parents who channel effectively know how to encourage the development of such congregational relationships for their children.

The parish is meant to be an environment where these kinds of faith-filled relationships form and thrive so that kids can be encouraged in their faith as they move closer to adulthood. It's meant to be a place where kids see adults and other children living as disciples of Jesus Christ together so that their own faith is reinforced. It is certainly my hope that our Family of Faith program is such an environment, and I encourage any and all interested parents to register their families for the 2021-2022 Family of Faith year.

If you'd like to receive articles from the Heart to Heart blog in your inbox each week, subscribe here.