Jesus challenges us in the Sermon on the Mount, “So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). What does this mean, exactly, and how is this different from an unhealthy “perfectionism”?

I saw an example of what seemed to be “perfectionism” the other day when watching a reality game show that my family recently discovered called Relative Race. In the show, contestants compete in various challenges and meet new relatives across the country. (Yes, it's an unusual premise, but it's often very moving to watch as people discover cousins, siblings, or even parents whom they've never met.) As one contestant struggled with one of the challenges on the show, she broke down into tears, saying something like, “I don't like to lose... It's not the way I was raised.” I'm sure the competition was stressful, and I don't want to single her out, but the scene was a reminder that many of us struggle with “perfectionism,” an unhealthy tendency to demand unrealistically flawless performance from ourselves or others.

I imagine that some of us can relate. Many of us - but not all, of course - have been conditioned to imagine that we can never make mistakes and to beat ourselves up whenever we do. Those of us who struggle with such perfectionism sometimes set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, often in order to bolster our pride, and are then upset if we do not reach them. Because all of us are fallen, mistake-prone humans, we are setting ourselves up for dissapointment when we try to find our sense of happiness in our own achievements.

We catch a glimpse of the kind of perfection to which Jesus instead calls us in the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector:

Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity—greedy, dishonest, adulterous—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’ But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’ I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 18:10-14)

Christian perfection involves a perfection of humility, not striving in vain to be without flaw. It involves humbly acknowledging our sins, repenting of them in Confession as often as we need to, trusting in God's forgiveness, and continually asking for the grace to avoid those sins in the future. It involves growing in virtue by God's grace, not by our own strength. Christian perfection also involves accepting that we have many flaws that are not sins at all, but are part of the weakness of our humanity that we have to learn to work with. (I, for example, am often absentminded, but unintentional absentmindedness isn't really a sin, thankfully.)

St. Francis de Sales offers some excellent advice for those who struggle with perfectionism:

Do not allow yourself to become angry or let yourself be surprised to see that your soul still has all the imperfections that you habitually confess. Even though you must reject and even detest them in order to amend your life, you must not oppose them with anger, but instead with courage and tranquillity, so that you will be able to make a solid and secure resolution to correct them (Roses Among Thorns, 8).

Be patient with all, but especially with yourself. Do not trouble yourself about your imperfections. Always have the courage to pick yourself back up and begin again every day, for there is no better path to success in the spiritual life than always to begin again and never to think that you have done enough (Roses Among Thorns, 33).